There are many people who will just keep on reminding her parents that she is 'Paraya Dhan'. Not only them, but even when she is growing up, she is constantly advised to learn to behave as she has to move on to someone else's house someday. The irony can be identified here only. Will she go to her own home, where is she already then? or will she go to someone else's home? One question arises in both the situations – Where is home? It's not something that happens to a fraction of the people, it happens to almost every woman, at least in the society we are living in.
"Within the boundaries of that house, she was just an outsider who wasn’t raised with appropriate demeanour."
Saliha left her parents home and the city along with all the people who love her like anything, to live with her husband. Of course, there’s nothing abnormal about it according to our societal norms. He lived there alone till then. She made it a home, a home that smelled of her. Every corner of the house told the story of her love. A home that became her everything. But sadly, that was only her house. Because there was somewhere else that he called home, the place where his parents lived. The place where she wasn’t accepted. It was out of the boundaries of that house that she was understood and loved. Within the boundaries of that house, she was just an outsider who wasn’t raised with appropriate demeanour.
"She must make others comfortable and adjust to the situations because then it becomes ‘her’ home apparently."
A married woman is not supposed to be herself. She can’t be possessive about things, she can’t be territorial. She can’t be herself. She should just understand whatever hell might be going on around her because she is supposed to be understanding. She is not supposed to complain about anything because it’s her home when it comes to these things. She must make others comfortable and adjust according to the situations because then it becomes ‘her’ home apparently. But is it home? If not, where is home?
‘It’s not done like this here.’
And ironically, it’s the same home where she is asked to comply with things because it’s her in-law’s home. She can’t do whatever she likes because it’s not your ‘mother’s home’. ‘It’s not done like this here.’ is what she gets to hear every now and then. It’s not done like that so it will never be done like that? Helping a person adjust in a totally new environment is more important than whatever ‘that’ you are talking about? It’s your home; she left hers, so where does she belong to now? Where is her home?
The debate can go on and on for there are innumerable instances happening daily across the map where a woman is constantly reminded that she is homeless now. People ask, so where are you? At your mother’s place or your in-laws? Her husband says ‘we are going home this weekend.’ which absolutely means his home of course.
‘If you don’t like it here, you can go back to your mother’s home.’
‘If you don’t like it here, you can go back to your mother’s home.’ Yes, these are the exact words a woman gets to hear if she decides to share her insecurities and troubles with her husband or in-laws. Does she deserve this? Don’t you ever get angry? Why then she is supposed to be all calm in spite of all? Why can’t she be herself and call some place her home, her own home?
The question haunts thousands of wives and daughter-in-laws constantly. There is an urgent need to identify the root of the question and peek into the society we have created for our women. ‘Where is home?’ Home is where people understand her, and she can be herself. Home is where she doesn’t have to think twice before saying or doing anything. Home is where she is ‘family’. Home is where she isn’t asked to leave. Do you think you had been able to provide that home to your wives and daughter-in-laws? If not, ask yourself, why no home for the one who completes your home?