ABC of a Delhi Wedding – Wedamor
Today, we’ll be demystifying for you the curious case of a Delhi Wedding. Delhi is a City of Power where everyone is busy showing off theirs.
In a typical Delhi wedding, where the bride and groom are nothing but dolled up mannequins, you get to see several samples. They look like gagged hostages under a house arrest, who are occasionally asked to smile for the camera. One cannot also forget the wedding venues. The hosts don’t let you forget it because it is always on the outskirts of the city.
It implies that a typical Delhiite never really marries in Delhi because the wedding generally happens in Noida, Ghaziabad, Gurgaon or Faridabad. The nearest venue they can get to Delhi is Chhattarpur.
I’ll be explaining various such factors related to a Delhi wedding from A to Z. So here begins our ABC:
A for Ambassador- Gleaming white beasts that are one of the unfortunate perks of power. The reason you’ll find one at a Delhi wedding is that your aunt’s sister-in-law’s brother-in-law will be at a good designation in the Central Government and inviting him to the wedding will show your status symbol.
B for Bindi- You’ll see a variety of these on the foreheads of the women. The size and shape vary from a dot sized black bindi to the type that Komolika wore in Kasauti Zindagi Ki.
C for Camera- Though there will be a designated photographer for the wedding almost everyone will have their DSLRs and SLRs.
D for Double Cellphone- Well, some people love to carry two cellphones. You’ll also find some who carry three of them, eventually looking like a traveling telephone exchange.
E for Ear hair- All them uncles have loads of it. They’ll sit in one corner, brooding and staring at young girls.
F for Fixer- An invisible glue agent that connects families at weddings. It generally looks like a middle-aged woman whose only goal in life is to get every girl the right guy. So, you’ll find one at the wedding, smiling too brightly at you and asking your hobbies and career goals simultaneously.
G for God- Everyone these days have a personal one and they’re very protective about Him. You’ll find some old-aged human educating you about the different ways to please Him, along with a list of DOs and DON’Ts.
H for HahaHumilityhaha- In Delhi, everyone’s humble. They’re so humble that the only reason they tell you the size of their house or the number of cars they own is to simply motivate you. Because of their humility, they don’t believe in showing off, even if it means wearing a diamond set to the wedding and telling people the reason why you chose it over the gold set your mother-in-law gave you.
I for I- Me, myself, Moi- cross me and I will take revenge. Mahatma Gandhi stated that an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind. For us Delhiites, an I for an I will validate my point.
J for Jewelry- This is my favorite factor because we, Delhiites, are never behind in wearing elegant jewelry. Not only we carry them well, but we market them well too. These jewelry brand simply waste their money on hiring an actress. An average Delhi woman would do it for half the price.
K for Kilograms- By and far, you’ll come across very few thin people. Where some men look pregnant with their beer bellies, women can never get thin. Even if she has a zero-size figure and is only eating cucumber in her meals, she will still have to lose 5-6 kilograms to get the right figure.
L for Lobbies- The lobby of the hotel which is the venue for the wedding is always is strewn with bodies of people getting their selfies clicked. It is because the lobbies have the best lighting and decoration. That day isn’t far hen they’ll make the bride and the groom stand in the lobby.
M for MP- No, this doesn’t mean a member of parliament. It generally stands for different things describing different families like Most Powerful, Majorly Presumptuous, Mighty Pompous, etc.
N for Numbers- These are generally exchanged at weddings either by the young girls and guys who have just met each other or by aunties and uncles to eventually lose it when required.
O for Ouch- The reaction you get when you step on their floor-sweeping lehenga or when your watch strap accidentally gets stuck in their dupatta.
P for Pout- This will be seen on the faces of the female species when anyone shouts “Selfie”, irrespective of their age. The older the female, the cuter it will look.
Q for Questions- It doesn’t matter if you’re in your 20s or 30s, you’ll be bombarded by hundreds of questions about your life, career and not to forget, hobbies.
R for Rule No. 1- Do what you want but never get caught. They won’t realize it until they find it. Even if they do, cook up a story.
S for Safari Suit- Compulsory uncle uniform. Every uncle who has a government job needs to wear it. Otherwise, how will the world know that they work for the government!
T for Trust, Fairies, Santa Claus, etc- They all don’t exist. It is all a facade.
UVWX for Unhappy VIP Wanting Xtra- As explained in the very first point, any VIP is always invited to the wedding. No matter if you make him sit at the groom’s place, they’ll still want extra attention.
Y for Yaari– It refers to the age-old friendships that rekindle because it’s either only at weddings or on funerals that you meet people. Everyone gets busy with their own lives and only have social media to connect.
Z for Zabardasti- This is the feeling you get when any distant relative self invites themself at your place because the last time he saw you was when you used to wet your pants.
You can suggest your version of ABC with us. You can also check out our articles on various customs and rituals.